Family Forte: The Difference Between
Pizza and Proposal
By: Topher Wiles
Love is in the air! With Valentine’s day fast
approaching everybody is talking about love. Love is a pretty regular
topic in our culture and it’s used to describe more than just our
relationships. People often talk about
loving pizza, loving pets, loving presidents and loving presents.
I’m willing to bet you and I have been
guilty of throwing the word “love” around as
carelessly pennies in a Walmart parking lot. Could it be that our haphazard tossing of the word “love” about is hurting our families by watering
down the deep bonds we desire to convey when we say “I love you”?
It is true, we have confused “love”
with the word “like”.
To strengthen your family, allow me to help you distinguish between the two
words. “Like” is a word we use to talk
about something that serves us or something that brings us joy. Pizza is a great example here. It brings me a lot of joy to bite into that
gooey cheese, crunch onto that salty pepperoni, and chew through that delicious
crust. I like pizza because it does
something for me. Yet I don’t do a
thing, give anything, or sacrifice anything for pizza.
Your love involves less of what something or
someone does for you, but is instead
more tied to what you do or give to someone else. I have a tool that can help us keep on the
straight and narrow concerning true love.
Let’s look at love through the lens
of one of our most ancient written languages.
Some Jews & Christians consider Hebrew to be the first
language through which God spoke in creating the world. Here’s the skinny
about love from Hebrew. Please pardon me while I get a little nerdy
for a moment from my years of translating Greek and Hebrew in college. Our English word “Love” is in Hebrew
“ahavah” which is made of four basic Hebrew letters “AHVH”
(aleph-hei-vav-hei). I think it is possible the root of the word of “ahavah” is
the simply the two consonants “HV” (hei-vav) which mean “to give”. This comes from Strong’s Concordance
number H3051 “YHV”, but the Y drops out in the imperfect tense when
and you put an “A” in its place to make “AHV” (Qal imperfect 1st common singular).
If all of that made no sense, it’s ok, just
know the two following concepts.
·
The
word “AHAVAH” is used over 40 times and often talks about
sacrificial, giving love.
·
When
you add the “A” (aleph) on the front of "HV" to make it “AHV” you get
the phrase, “I WAS GIVING” or “I AM GIVING.”
Thus,
from my word studies, I believe the word "love" in one of our oldest
languages originally has roots in the phrase “I give.” You can
find this word used in Genesis 29:20 after Jacob has “given”
seven years of his life for Rachel, “And Jacob served seven years
for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the LOVE
(AHAVAH) he had to her.” You can also find it in 1
Kings 10:9 stating “The Lord LOVED Israel
forever” and “Hatred stirs up strife, but LOVE covers
all sins.” (Proverbs 10:12)
As
you can see, love in ancient language seems to be regularly connected with
sacrificially giving to others as Jacob did for Rachel, as the Lord did for
Israel, and as Jesus does for us in our sin today.
My
very relationship with my wife is evidence of that giving type of love. Seventeen years ago I had the perfect setting
to propose. A blanket in the park, comfort food, mood music, a
bouquet of roses, and a ring hidden inside one of the flowers. While the
sappy music about love was playing, I dropped to one knee, grabbed the rose with
the ring…. and panicked! The ring wasn't in the rose! She saw the
look on my face and knew I had botched this one. I
intended to give her a gift of love, but I lost it. I began
frantically searching the grass around us looking for that precious symbol of
love that had fallen out of the rose! For what seemed like an eternity we
hunted through the grass, the flowers, and the trunk of the car. Eventually, I found that precious gift of
love, got down on one knee again and at sunset, she said “Yes!”
How did I know I loved her? It was because I was willing to give her my hard earned pay, my time, my effort, and my heart all symbolized in that proposal. I also know I was willing to continue giving those things to her for the rest of my life.
How
do I know she loved me? Jesus spoke of love this way in Luke
7 when talking about a woman who was a sinner, "Therefore,
I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--as her great love has shown. But
whoever has been forgiven little loves little."
The
best evidence of my beautiful bride’s love for me is what she gave this
blundering idiot that evening in a Nashville park. Even though I had botched the perfect
proposal, she gave me her gifts of forgiveness
and then gave me her heart forever.
True
love is different from intensely liking something.
We like things because of pleasure they give to us. Yet, true love is deeper, connecting more to
the choice of sacrificial giving you do for them.
What
does that mean for us in our families? As leaders, it is up to us to set
the proper standard for what love is. Perhaps
our kids would best be served if we use our word “LOVE” when we are talking
about giving to someone rather than just enjoying something. This
Valentine’s Day, give a gift to someone you love, whether a spouse, friend,
child, or neighbor. You’ll be glad you
did. “We LOVE because He first LOVED us.” - John 4:19
The word “forte” comes from the latin word “fortis” meaning strength. Our weekly Family Forte article in The Expositor is the effort of family at CentralChurch of Christ to give your family the love, care, and attention it needs to become a stronger version of itself. If we can help you in any way, please contact us at Central Church of Christ through email, topherwiles@spartacoc.com, or through our website, www.spartacoc.com.
The word “forte” comes from the latin word “fortis” meaning strength. Our weekly Family Forte article in The Expositor is the effort of family at CentralChurch of Christ to give your family the love, care, and attention it needs to become a stronger version of itself. If we can help you in any way, please contact us at Central Church of Christ through email, topherwiles@spartacoc.com, or through our website, www.spartacoc.com.