Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Family Forte: An Ace You Can Keep

Kenny Rogers passed away on
March 20, 2020.

Thinking about Mother’s Day reminded me of a sad song my late mother used to sing along with on the car radio that was released the year I was born.   While I don’t agree with much of what’s stated in the song, late Kenny Roger’s (died March 20, 2020) pensive lyrics about winning and losing hold a valuable truth.  

The Gambler’s well known chorus reads like this:
“You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, Know when to fold ‘em
Know when to walk away, And know when to run
You never count your money, When you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’, When the dealin’s done”

The chorus is easy to sing, but one line of the song is our focus as Kenny Roger’s sings, “Every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser…”

Perhaps it was my dad’s racing team that got me focused on winning and losing.  At three days old I was at the dragstrip as that 1968 royal blue Chevy Nova careened down the asphalt.  When I was big enough, dad put me in charge of pulling a water sprayer in my red Radio Flyer wagon to cool off the radiator after every run down the track.  Then I began to win and lose myself.  Bridge building, speech, glider flying, math bowl, science quiz-bowl, mechanical drafting, spelling bee, baseball, tennis, basketball, wrestling, and bowling are just a few of the events I competed in during my adolescent years.  Add to that the twenty-five seasons that I’ve coached athletic teams and you can tell I’ve won and lost a lot of games in my 41 years. 

One of the most important concepts that keeps me competing is what Kenny Rogers summed up when he sang, “Every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser…”

At first read, this line sounds like a logical contradiction.  I know parents who believe a pretty saying like this can’t possibly be true.  I know players who find it too confusing to have any merit.  It’s true that for many of my opponents over the years who have such a short-sighted view of competition, this verse remains an enigma.  For people who only care about the physical scoreboard when time runs out, this line makes no sense.  To truly understand the deep and profound wisdom of “Every Hand” from The Gambler, you need to know these three fundamental truths. 

1) The true game is life.  The way some people lose their religion when competing makes it appear that trophies, rings, and scoreboards are all that matter.  Jesus didn’t sum it all up by saying, “Win competitions and bring home some hardware.”  The Lord of all Creation knew that our competition is beyond the ball field when He shared His winning strategy, “Love God and Love your Neighbor” (paraphrase of Matthew 22:36-40).  Winning at life is the only thing that matters.

2) You can’t control the hand you’re dealt.  Just like any gambler will tell you, we can’t control what cards are laying on the table of life.  You can’t control when a pandemic will hit or where a tornado will strike.  You can’t control where you were born, the social class you were born into, the skin color you were born with, or the parents you were given.  Jesus, in sharing wisdom about life said it this way, “He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and unjust alike” (Matthew 5:25b).  Each event contains the potential to win or lose toward the game of life.

3) Whether each hand is a win or a loss is determined completely by you.  Every hand truly is a winner or a loser based solely on your perspective of sunlight and rain.  Paul shared the winning perspective this way to Roman Christians who struggled with bitterness in life, “We know that for those who love God all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28a).  It is your attitude that determines if the hand dealt that day is a loss or is something that “works together for good” for your growth and those around you. 

Our area has seen its share of mishaps lately with storm damage, tornado fatalities, property tax increases, and coronavirus closures.  Yet, in all of it we’ve witnessed the goodness of our community coming together to love and serve each other in new, unique, and unprecedented ways.  Even though the cards we were dealt look rough, we look at it and think that God has given us a winning hand. 
Remember, the true game is not your job, your sports, or your awards.  The true game is life.  You can’t control the hand you’re dealt, but winning or losing with your hand depends on you.

“Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away
And knowin' what to keep
'Cause every hand's a winner
And every hand's a loser
 – Kenny Rogers in “The Gambler”

The great wisdom writer of Ecclesiastes went through all the high and low hands in the game of life and at the end he concluded with a winning strategy and perspective that we’ll be blessed to learn. “The end of the matter; after all has been heard is this. Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” (Ecclesiastes 12:13)  Friends, that’s an ace that you can keep.




The word “forte” comes from the latin word “fortis” meaning strength.  Our weekly Family Forte article in The Expositor is the effort of family at Central Church of Christ to give your family the love, care, and attention it needs to become a stronger version of itself.  If we can help you in any way, please contact us at Central Church of Christ through email, topherwiles@spartacoc.com, or through our website, www.spartacoc.com.

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Family Forte: Travelling During the Pandemic


by: Topher Wiles
     I admit, my family has done a lot of traveling during the Coronavirus Pandemic.   This weekend my family visited together the ember green forests of the Great Wood with Pickett, Heather, Emma, and Smalls.  Not long before that we visited the beautiful farms, mills, and forests of Connecticut.  It was the New York subway station and a special musical cricket that drew their focus previously.  Before that it was Central America that held my children’s awe as they followed a Spanish conquistador in his hunt for gold.  Some of our best journeys have been to Russia during the Bolshevik revolution, Ireland in the days of St. Patrick, Britain during its early Roman occupation, and the magical land of Narnia whenever Aslan paid a visit.
     We are deliberately a reading family.  As you can imagine for a guy with my energy level, slowing down, sitting in a chair, and reading a book are all challenging tasks that rub the wrong way against the grain of my temperament.  Much like eating vegetables, we know reading is good for the kids, so Ashley and I choose to slow life down to read books to our children.  Also, much like eating veggies, if you keep doing it, you eventually learn to like it.  So our time frequently finds the Wiles family travelling through India, braving the rough seas in the new Americas, or travelling west in pioneer caravans as we read aloud.
The Green Ember Series has been our
favorite read aloud of 2020!
     Reading to your kids has been proven to be a big benefit in their lives. In a 2018 New York Times article titled “New Guidelines From Pediatricians,” doctors of medicine found that parents reading to children is a valid way to help kids with their behavior and attention span issues, and it’s as cheap as a library card.  Researchers shared, “The parent-child-book moment even has the potential to help curb problem behaviors like aggression, hyperactivity, and difficulty with attention, a new study has found.”  I struggle with attention deficit and we know a lot of families with kids struggle too.  Focus on the Family researchers tell even more bonuses in their aptly title article “The Benefits of Reading to Your Children.” Children that are regularly read to at home generally:
·        “Read better, write better and concentrate better.
·        Are quicker to see subtleties.
·        Have an easier time processing new information.
·        Have a better chance for a successful, fulfilling adult life.
·        Have many interests and do well in a wide variety of subjects.
·        Develop an ability to understand how other people think and feel.
·        Acquire the ability to sift information and to understand how unrelated facts can fit into a whole.
·        Tend to be more flexible in their thinking and more open to new ideas.
·        Weather personal problems better without their schoolwork being affected.”

    I know it’s hard.  I’m a sporty, outdoorsman who would naturally rather put a hammer, baseball, or fishing rod in my kids’ hands than a book, but even I see the big benefits of book-time for my kids.  I’ve witnessed so much good for my children and wife, that I’ve even increased my quality reading consumption by joining a book club at the White County Public Library.  The Wiles family has been blessed to organize our schedule to include ample amount of book-time, and we hope your family will experience the benefits too.  Here are a few of our suggestions as you and your children digest regular reading together.
·        Kids react differently to reading.  Gabriel could sit perfectly still and listen while Ethan struggled.  Putting a hot wheels car in Ethan’s hand and letting him lay on the floor to play with it made a world of difference in his attentive abilities.
·        Make time for reading before bed.  Yes, we have hard and fast lights-out times for our kids, but those deadlines aren’t as important as ending the night on a positive connection. 
·        Involve mom, dad, older siblings, and grandparents in the reading repertoire.  You will all choose different book subjects, giving the kids a variety of adventures, relationship connections, and funny voices to imitate.
·        Be patient with your kids learning to read.  One of our boys learned to read chapter books at 4 years old.  Another struggling with dyslexia and didn’t pick it up till 6.  Now, they are both voracious readers!
·        Keep reading.  Our eldest is thirteen, and he still enjoys being read to!
·        Force yourself as an adult to read a book, too.  It helps my mood, attitude, & blood pressure!

If you’ve got questions or are looking for tips for reading lists, the internet has a wealth of information on the topic, but we’ve found that our local White County Librarians are very well-versed in this area of study and are happy to help.  Go ask them for age appropriate suggestions and you’ll be amazed at the variety of fun titles they’ll offer!
Here’s a few of the Wiles family book recommendations for reading aloud to children 13 years old and younger.
·        The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
·        The Green Ember series by S.D. Smith
·        The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien (yes, even my sixyear old loves it!)
·        The Boxcar Childrenseries by Gertrude Chandler Warner (the originals are best)
·        The Cricket in TimesSquare by George Selden
·        The Russian Saga (or anything else) by Gloria Whelan (best for older elementary/middle school)
·        The Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder
·        The Roman Britain series (good for middle school age) by Rosemary Sutcliff
·        The Mercy Watson Series (great for younger kids) by Kate DiCamillo
·        The Beginners Bible (for young kids) and the NIrV (for older kids) all inspired by God. 

We saved the best for last in our list; we’ve been blessed to spend Bible time together every single day of our kids’ lives.  We hope reading is a blessing to you too.  Even while social distancing, your family can still travel the world! 

“For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” – Romans 15:4


The word “forte” comes from the latin word “fortis” meaning strength.  Our weekly Family Forte article in The Expositor is the effort of family at Central Church of Christ to give your family the love, care, and attention it needs to become a stronger version of itself.  If we can help you in any way, please contact us at Central Church of Christ through email, topherwiles@spartacoc.com, or through our website, www.spartacoc.com.