By: Topher Wiles
The question used to surprise us. Well meaning people who knew our family’s activities
would ask the question and I struggled to understand the logic. Our kids are involved in sports teams,
community clubs, outdoors events, the YMCA, our church, a homeschool cooperative,
music lessons, and more. Knowing that, I’m
always surprised when someone asks, “Don’t you worry that your homeschool kids
aren’t properly socialized?”
Since we are well known for our home education efforts, we
get quite a few concerned comments about our children being properly
“socialized.” Caring people live in fear that we are short-changing our kids
without involvement in the standard school system. I appreciate their
care and their willingness to ask. I
guess it is true that there are some homeschoolers who live more like hermits,
but that’s definitely not us. So I try
to turn their question to address social isolation for families as a whole.
My usual response begins by asking, “Did you know I was
a public high school algebra teacher?” Once I’ve solidified common ground that I can
talk intelligently about our current education and social structures, I follow with, “Have you ever seen a socially
awkward or isolated student in a standard school?” They always return with
a “Yes, I know a few.” Sometimes they
even admit that they themselves were the awkward one (really, we all went
through middleschool and struggled didn’t we?).
Then, I follow by thanking them for their concern and letting them know
that positive socialization for all of members of families and the malady
of loneliness are important issues to us and to our God, no matter how we
receive our education. If they are
willing, we talk about loneliness and what we can do to help. In my years in public education, I saw more
than my fair share of those who struggled with isolation, awkwardness, and feeling
out-of-place. Sadly, I see it even more
now in adults than in kids and have seen first hands some of the dangerous
affects.
From the New York Times Article “How Social Isolation IsKilling Us” comes the following eye-opening information of a loneliness plague
that is hurting our families in the United States. Author Dhruv Khullar gives us the following news.
“Since the 1980s, the percentage of American adults who say
they’re lonely has doubled from 20 percent to 40 percent. Loneliness
is as important a risk factor for early death as obesity and
smoking. Socially isolated children have significantly poorer
health 20 years later, even after controlling for other factors. Socially
isolated individuals have a 30 percent higher risk of dying in the next seven
years, and that this effect was largest in middle age. Individuals with less
social connection have disrupted sleep patterns, altered immune
systems, more inflammation and higher levels of stress hormones. One
recent study found that isolation increases the risk of heart disease by
29 percent and stroke by 32 percent. About one-third of Americans older than 65
now live alone, and half of those over 85 do. Loneliness can accelerate
cognitive decline in older adults, and isolated individuals are twice
as likely to die prematurely as those with more robust social
interactions.”
Social isolation or loneliness is a growing problem in our
country in every age range and its negative affects can be clearly seen in the
medical and psychological fields. The
good news is, there are quite a few tools you can use to help someone avoid this
malady and encourage positive relationships that breath life into their
existence.
The tool I appreciate most for my kids and my wife is the Lord’s
church.
Perhaps God knew all this isolation was debilitating when He
inspired this remedy, “(Let us) not giving up meeting together, as
some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another--and all the more
as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25) In a day of TV
church, Radio church, and Podcast church, nothing can replace the benefits in
my children's lives of the face-to-face real Church, which is the gathering of
loving people and purposeful encouragement of the of those around you. Even though we at Central livestream our
services on our website, I encourage viewers to meet together as often as is
possible.
God has also given us some other wonderful social constructs
such as extended family, civic clubs, and sporting teams. Ashley and I endeavor to keep our kids
involved in a little bit of each. We
love the Vision basketball league in Cookeville that focuses on sportsmanship
and positive relationships. We are
excited about the start of a Trail Life program in Sparta later this year (it’s
the Christian version of Boy Scouts). We
treasure the moments when we listen to live music and play chess with neighbors
at the Coffee Collective in downtown Sparta.
Our local YMCA, where I serve as a board member, is growing to be even
more of a positive, healthy, and encouraging environment for all people to enjoy. God has blessed us with many wonderful ways
to develop deep and regular meaningful relationships in our church and community
so that we can avoid the harmful affects of social isolation.
Just as you push your kids to invest time eating healthy
foods and exercise, for the sake of your family, can I push you to also invest
time in positive social relationships?
Come experience family love at Central Church of Christ or come see me
at the YMCA and I’ll make sure to give you a welcoming smile. If you are “properly socialized” and know
someone who struggles with social isolation, then lovingly and regularly invite
them to come along with you. We’ll give
them a big smile too.
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
The word “forte” comes from the latin word “fortis” meaning strength. Our weekly Family Forte article in The Expositor is the effort of family at Central Church of Christ to give your family the love, care, and attention it needs to become a stronger version of itself. If we can help you in any way, please contact us at Central Church of Christ through email, topherwiles@spartacoc.com, or through our website, www.spartacoc.com.