by: Topher Wiles
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| Photo Credit: Fascinate.com |
Glory Hallelujah, we’ve reached the teenage years! I know, I know, the teenage years for many
are worse than a cat’s tail stuck in the screen door. Yet, it doesn’t have to be that way; God intended abundant life during the teenage years too. In honor of Gabriel’s 13th birthday,
here are 13 family strengthening ideas I’ve stashed away in my teenage
preparation toolbox.
13. Invest Time in Your Teen – Gabriel still loves creating Legos
masterpieces. However, I’m more interested in how
he’s progressed in his Microsoft Excel tutorials in school. In my time serving as a high school math
teacher and church youth minister I watched the hands of time tick down on teenagers
seeking their parent’s attention and approval.
For his confidence growth, whenever he wants to share his newest Picasso
artform in Lego medium, I need to invest time in listening and marveling at his
passionate progress in Legos more than Excel.
12. Say You’re Sorry – Adults, we stink at uttering the
simple words, “I’m sorry.” When I remind
myself that my goal with my son is to raise an adult who loves God and the
community around him, I am struck by how much he needs to see adult skills
modeled in me. That means apologizing
when I’m running late, short on my temper, or selfish in my time. Adult skills take adult examples to learn and
a father is a perfect place for the learning to deepen.
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| Ashley's chocolate cherry 13th birthday cake was good! |
11. Have Fun – Teenagers have so much energy, so many big
dreams, and a desire to shirk responsibility to play. Why not shirk responsibility together? Yes, my kids have frequently heard my mantra,
“Work first, play later.” They’ll probably
write it on my tombstone when I’m gone.
I won’t let go of that mantra lightly, but I do make exceptions to go
create some fun with my son because he needs it. Go check out Willard Harley’s chapter on
recreational companionship and a man’s need for it in “His Needs, Her Needs.” Then go have some fun with your teen.
10. Maintain Your Authority – I am not my son’s best
friend. I am not my son’s best
friend. I am not my son’s best
friend. I am my son’s parent. Enough said.
9. Reward Maturity with Freedom – When he gets that legendary
license freedom that begins with being home by 9pm, I’ll extend his nightly
curfew when he shows the maturity of being home on time. Give more freedom when they demonstrate
repeated growth with mature decisions.
8. Connect Them to God – Teens need hope more now than ever
that there exists something bigger than them and their world experience. You can connect them to God by continuing to
read the Bible with them, take nature walks with them, slow down to meditate
with them, serve with them, and fast with them about the decisions of life. As you connect with God personally in your
life, invite them to the same.
7. Connect Them to Other Adults – If their entire world is
made up of teenage life, teenage peers, and teenage media, they are living in
the confines of a very small bubble missing out on some of the great blessings
a broader life has to offer. Involve
them in civic organizations, church leadership teams, or multigenerational
workforces in a business. It truly does
take a village to raise a child.
6. Run at Their Pace – Sometimes I run 5k races to win and
sometimes I run to help train others to win.
If I’m training others, I can’t bolt out of a starting line and leave
them, expecting them to catch up later.
Slow your life down a little so you can run beside your teenager through
the challenges their experience has to offer.
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| Look at Gabriel smile! |
5. Be Fertilizer for Ambition – Fertilizer may stink
sometimes, but the nutrients it gives provides for growth. Your progeny may want to only sit and home
playing video games and may not want your pushing them on to higher goals,
greater adventures, and bigger kingdoms to conquer. Know your child enough to recognize when they
need a boost and fertilize that ambition.
4. Be Soil for Deep Roots – Don’t let them chase every
passing adventure in life. The grass isn’t
always greener on the other side. Remind
them when they need to stay in an area and develop deeper roots that will
benefit them for years in life by providing stability and strength.
3. Listen to their Fears – Fear of the future, failure, and
loneliness are common in these years.
You may not have all the answers, but God gave you two ears and only one
mouth for a reason. Listen to your kid.
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| Does time fly? You bet it does, so enjoy it! |
2. Give Up the Lawnmower for a Weedeater – The new term, “Lawnmower
Parent” describes those who cut a clear path for their kids to succeed like those
parents who paid for cheating test scores so their kids could get into the ivy
league schools. We all struggle with
being a lawnmower because we want to help our kids. Think less about clearing the path in front
of them and focus on just clearing some of the unwanted weeds around the edges
of life.
1. Love Them Anyway – Your teens will make mistakes, say
things that hurt you, and fail to be perfect.
Love them anyway, because God loves you.
Sometimes I stink at parenting and need to follow my own
advice better. So when you see me as
nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, remind me of the wisdom
learned in this article so I can approach these teenage years as cool as the
cat who got the cream. May you be
blessed with Family Forte as you strive to bless your children with abundant
life.
“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” – Jesus in John
10:10b
The word “forte” comes from the latin word “fortis” meaning strength. Our weekly Family Forte article in The Expositor is the effort of family at Central Church of Christ to give your family the love, care, and attention it needs to become a stronger version of itself. If we can help you in any way, please contact us at Central Church of Christ through email, topherwiles@spartacoc.com, or through our website, www.spartacoc.com.