Family
Forte: FREEEEEDOOOOM in Marriage!
by: Topher Wiles
Married men, this Family Forte is specifically for you. Do you remember the 1995’s hit movie Braveheart
starring Mel Gibson? This box-office
success was a quintessential “man movie” focused on war between the Scots and
the Brits with Gibson playing the flamboyant Scottish leader, William Wallace. Men everywhere identified with this movie and
its many quotable lines, such as the following:
“Every man dies, but not every man really lives.”
“I know you can fight, but it’s our wits that make us
men.”
“We all end up dead, it’s just a question of how and why.”
“They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our FREEDOM!”
These old quotes still give me a chuckle as I hear them
quoted by men today. Yet the army that utters
these words today is different from the men of the 1200’s who fought in the First
Scottish War of Independence for love of country and family. Today, I most often hear these freedom
mantras from single men who fight against the “old ball and chain” of
marriage. That’s right, in our culture,
it seems as though many men see marriage as the invasion of the Brits into
their sacred territory of singleness. They seem to forget that it was the love
of his wife that drove William Wallace to fight for the independence of
Scotland.
There are more humorous phrases that men use to describe
marriage as stifling, such as: getting hitched, taking the plunge, being tied
down, tying the knot, dropping the anchor, and buying the cow. However,
even though some men feel like their efforts to remain single are embodied by William
Wallace’s quest for freedom, there are many of us who have found a profound
sense of satisfaction and, dare I say, freedom in marriage.
How did we find freedom in marriage? I think it begins with a concept the great
missionary Paul shared in his second letter to the church at Corinth. There, he
says, “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the
knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Cor
10:5). Those words sound like they could
be straight out of a “man” movie, don’t they? Destroy arguments by taking every
thought captive. How do we men do that
in reference to this cultural push to consider marriage as a ball and chain?
First, realize that we will either be prisoner to our
thoughts or master of them. If we
believe we are going to have a bad day, we likely will have a bad day. Conversely, if we believe like William
Wallace that we can succeed against the odds, then we likely will find
success. Think positively to escape the
slavery of negative thoughts. Solomon
said it this way, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit
dries up the bones.” (Prov 17:22)
Second, note that you don’t take captives in a war by sitting
passively on the sidelines. Taking every
thought captive is an active process; we cross the battlefield to intercept
intruding thoughts and bind them up so that they do no more harm in our lives.
Make an active decision that you won’t revel in and repeat those harmful phrases
that cast marriage into a stifling light.
Don’t speak any more of marriage as being tied down, but as freedom to
open up! Believe that God truly does
mean what he says in “He
who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov.
18:22).
Finally, choose to honor your spouse and your marriage. Focus on the positive aspects that they bring
to your life. Speak highly of those qualities
among your friends and water-cooler acquaintances. Recognize the benefitting freedoms those
traits bring to your life and praise them in front of everyone. As the anonymous author of the Hebrew letter
said, “Let marriage be held in honor among all.” (Heb 13:4a)
Men, stay with me while I share an example by fast forwarding
a few decades. When I picture myself as
an older man, wrinkled and weathered by time, I picture myself free. I picture myself fishing at 60, hang gliding
at 70, and playing tennis with my wife at 80.
I also imagine that I’m still conquering my own little worlds and
slaying the dragons of unrighteousness around me. Now that you’ve seen my imagined future, let’s
rewind the tape 15 years to my past. I
had some spending problems when I met Ashley.
I lacked the discipline needed to keep myself out of needless debt.
When I married Ashley, we began addressing
those issues, which, honestly, felt stifling, like an anchor, ball & chain,
a tying down. Yet with the proper
perspective, just by changing my mindset, I became convinced that joining with a
frugal spender like Ashley brings more freedom in my life. Today, we’re saving for a retirement of
fishing, hang-gliding, and tennis. We’re
free of the credit debt that plagues many of my peers. I don’t have to hide from phone calls and the
mailbox because I am free from stress and worry of bill collectors. While joining with Ashley in marriage felt a little
stifling at first, I was able to escape the slavery of negative thoughts, actively
take captive those thoughts that bind me, and honor my wife and marriage for
the freedom it brings.
Yes, some men evoke William Wallace as they shout their wife,
saying, “You may take my life, but you will never take my freedom.” However, we
who desire to truly live can invest our lives in our marriage and truly find
freedom in God’s plans and designs.
It is true what William Wallace says, “Every man
dies, but not every man truly lives.” May
you truly live as you seek God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.The word “forte” comes from the latin word “fortis” meaning strength. Our weekly Family Forte article in The Expositor is the effort of family at Central Church of Christ to give your family the love, care, and attention it needs to become a stronger version of itself. If we can help you in any way, please contact us at Central Church of Christ through email, topherwiles@spartacoc.com, or through our website, www.spartacoc.com.