By: Topher Wiles
The strongest
thing in that moment wasn’t my bulging muscles swinging a sledgehammer; it was
her kiss, her look, and her words. It’s hard for her to understand the
power that she wields over me. I’m
convinced most women never understand the superpowers they possess over their
husbands, nor do they know how and when to use those powers. For all the
ladies out there who want to get the best out of their husbands, to see that
sparkle in his eye, to hear him profess his undying love for you, here’s a story
from this past weekend to help you understand the power of
affirmation.
The moment
began with a simple Sunday text message that read, “A woman just slashed her
tire pulling into the park.” Mind you, Sundays are my busiest days. There’s no need to drone on about the amount
of classes & sermons, meetings & counselings that go on any given
Sunday. Since I am a preacher, that day is always busy from sunrise to
well past sunset, so squeezing in a little vehicle repair was a tall order. Nevertheless, I arrived at the beautiful
little Carter St. Park within minutes to see a young lady outside her car, with
a rim sitting on the ground. She was not the first person to fall prey to
the sharp rocks bordering the park entrance waiting to ravage the tires of
anyone making the mistake of turning too sharp.
Using the 12v air pump we keep in every vehicle (seriously men, go
invest $15 at Walmart for one), I searched for a leak in the tire to no avail.
Having no jack or spare tire in her car, she was at a loss for resources, so we
began grabbing ours. Once we had her lugnuts off and tire in hand, we
found the source of deflation, a bent rim.
Mind you, this one wasn’t just a small dent from when you scuff a curb,
this was the type of gap on the inside of the rim through which you could stick
your finger. No tire was going to reseat
itself on that rim.
To make
matters worse, neither of our vehicles’ spare tires would fit this young lady’s
car. Remember, it was a Sunday afternoon, when tire repair businesses are
generally closed in small towns. Her car was sitting at the park with one
side jacked up, with no spares available, and she was running out of
options. Well, this son-of-a-mechanic with a never-quit mentality
wondered, “Can bend that rim back into shape?”
A ball peen hammer, two sledgehammers, and a lot of sweat later the rim
was round and the tire was holding air. That’s when my wife used her
power of affirmation in just a few short words.
“Is it
fixed?”
I responded,
“It sure is.”
“You’re a
beast,” she said. Then she gave me a big smile and a lingering kiss on
the cheek (not lingering too long, we were in a public park on a sunny Sunday
afternoon!) My chest puffed out, my posture straightened up, and I was
walking on clouds for the rest of the day when my wife powerfully and sincerely
boosted my ego with words of affirmation. My wife admired me and I knew it.
Willard
Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs shares this nugget of
wisdom. “Men NEED to feel admired by their spouses, so let him know that
you love him for his many admirable qualities. Say, ‘I love you for all the
ways you care for me and our family’ or ‘I never doubt you give your very best
because you love me as much as I love you.’ Compliment him for being a good
provider, loving husband and father, thoughtful man and one who tries his best
to understand you. Ensure that you add an affectionate hug, kiss or a gentle
touch on his face or arm. Your love will come through.’” Gary Chapman,
famous marriage counselor and author of The Five Love Languages, agrees
with Harley and offers a little more when he shares the following, “Snuggle up
next to him and let him know he’s tops with you for taking out the trash or
bathing the kids while you clean the kitchen. Whisper how loved you feel when
he changes the oil in your car or calls to see if he needs to pick up anything
on his way home.”
There you have
it: expert tested and husband approved. Women, your words and
accompanying actions have the ability to instantly change a moment in a man’s
life. He can go from cursing the fates for a string of bad luck to a
beaming smile as he’s riding an emotional high from sincere compliment you gave
him. Your husband wants your admiration, and the expert research shows
that he needs your words of affirmation.
Ashley’s
Add-On Note: Ladies, you have power, but understand that this is not about
manipulation or getting what you want. Words of affirmation are a great
tool for encouraging your husband and building up your marriage. I am naturally
reticent and reserved, so I have to work on being more intentional with my
words to my husband. Some of you may be the same, or some of you may be
struggling in your marriage and find it difficult to think of finding anything
positive about your spouse. Pray about
it. It can be as simple as, “You’re good
at mowing the lawn,” or, “I admire how you’re on time to work everyday.”
Set a goal to say one intentional, kind thing to your husband everyday. Set a calendar reminder if you need to! You and your husband will be glad you did.
“Gracious
words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” -
Proverbs 16:24
The word “forte” comes from the latin word “fortis” meaning strength. Our weekly Family Forte article in The Expositor is the effort of family at Central Church of Christ to give your family the love, care, and attention it needs to become a stronger version of itself. If we can help you in any way, please contact us at Central Church of Christ through email, topherwiles@spartacoc.com, or through our website, www.spartacoc.com.